Too bad, you are here!
We are the first and only consulting center for rautavistic software in the world. With us as an international pioneer in this field, you've got an extremely phlegmatic partner by your side.
If you feel compelled to continue reading, we sadly can not discourage you to do so, due to the architecture of the world wide web. Nonetheless we will do our best, to make your stay on our homepage as uncomfortable as possible and we ask you to absent yourself from it.
„Rautavistics is the science of the rautavistic things”
We're happy to help you concerning your rautavistic software projects, -architectures, -procedures, -development, -programming and last but not least, your rautavistic software product. Also we're very well versed in IrT (Internet rautavistical Things). The deployment of this online-presentation as well as our services themselves are underlying the rautavism as well. Therefore we always grant a negligible and still reducable quality!
If you have no prior knowledge of rautavistics, you're probably in the wrong place. Then our recommendation for you is to matriculate at the Rautavistischen Universität Eschweilerhof, or at least to read in the topic
Roadmap
Please understand that this online presentation is still under construction and that no complete roadmap has been developed yet. We don't really have a plan either, but at least we're honest!
If you need a roadmap, you will surely find one on https://www.openstreetmap.org.
Our Services
We exclusively committed to research, consulting and education in the wide field of rautavistic software.
Decrease of productivity and process-quality
- improvisation, integration, iteration, iteration and iteration of unnecessary tasks
- development and utilization of worst-practices
- rautavistic software documentation
- repititive, contextless and no sourcecode comments
- generation of random code segments incl. disposal of results
- application of tools interfering the workflow and limiting the possibilities
- manual build- and deployment systems as well as fake-monitoring
- unsemantic versioning: constant and random version numbers
- creating half knowledge and irreplaceable components
- placing of rautavistic variable-, class- and method-names
- implementation of multilingual sourcecode
- inefficient reimplementation of native functions
- exotic programming languages and badly documented frameworks
- reduction of readability and maintainability using rerefactoring
Manipulation of runtime environments for unforeseen consequences
- Development and operation of Continuous Disintegration
- Possibilities of runtime-deterioration
- Increased hardware load for client and server
- Methods to waste disk usage
- Forcing worst-case scenarios
Minimization of usability and product quality
- Symptom handling instead of problem analysis: quickhacks and workarounds
- Design of a sweeping user interface
- Development of algorithms that do absolutely nothing
- Implementation of anti-pattern
- Draft of a nerve-racking user experience
- Random exceptions and output of disinformative error messages
- Integration of unused software libraries
- Loading time and cost maximization through traffic wasting
Negligence of security and data-protection
- Extend vulnerabilities by using outdated packages
- Use of public code sandboxes to secure sensitive data
- Customer loyalty through trust: Always trust the user input
- We abduct your data protection officer (EU-DSGVO compliant)
Research and Development
We are always trying to gain new insights to keep them for us. You are also welcome to ask for studies or to submit requests for the development of highly specialized methods, procedures and products of which no one benefits, on the contrary.
Consulting and Education
We support you with your software projects and advise your employees from the management level to the template frickler. If requested, we offer individual coaching as well as kick start and intensive workshops for larger groups. We also do not lecture at prestigious conferences and in user groups. If you are interested, please contact someone else!
Why the BSfrS?
We are certainly as good as Die PARTEI and besides we have many more qualities that we obviously do not need to mention.
a Diamond
It is really pretty right? Bling Bling! Everyone likes diamonds! And if not, you can still sell it.
Read morea Revolving Door
Chuck Norris can hit revolving doors. It's not the best Chuck Norris joke, but it fits the icon!
Read moreno Idea
If you have no idea, just keep your mouth shut! We honestly do not know what this symbol wants to tell us...
Read moreCustomers
Projects
Hours of Support
Motivated Workes
Testicles
Matthias Brand
Nutswinger
I like to rock my testicles and the BSfrS did not do much more. Really relaxing, gladly again!
Anton Müller
Teabagger
I love to hang my testicles in a glass of hot water, but the Consulting Center for rautavistic Software has little to do with that ...
Sarah Wilscheidt
Ballsfondler
What can I say, I love testicles. Especially the ones of Anton Müller, who always giggles when I touch him there.
Peter Torz
Eggthinker
I have an ulcer on my testicles, but thanks to the BSfrS, I quickly come up with other ideas and let the therapy grind.
Team
We do not even know these people at all, but we think that their portraits are doing pretty well here, no?
Diana Klich
DUMB uNT
Andreas Linden
Head of BSfrS, Researcher & Consultant
Willfried Schmitz
Feelgood Manager
Karen Winter
MaskottchenOur most dissatisfied customers
We have taken special care of these customers. Everything we had to do was either ignored, not done, or we just did something else. Some of our customers do not even know that we have no contract with them.
